Logic Counseling

We recently talked in one of the girl lunch groups about the importance of our words.  The Bible talks about how our words are sharper than a two edged sword (Proverbs 12:18) and can bring life or death (Proverbs 18:21).  It is important for us to choose our words wisely and use them to build others up.  This means we refrain from gossip or words that will be hurtful to others.

Part of choosing our words wisely is knowing how to handle conflict in a healthy manner.  We discussed how to talk with a friend about something that is bothersome.  When you approach your friend to have this conversation, it is good to start with the end in mind and share that with your friend.  For example, say, “I care about you and your friendship matters a lot to me so I wanted to talk to you about something that is bothering me so that we can talk through it and fix it.”  When you let the other person know up front that you care about them and the friendship and that your end goal is a stronger friendship, they are much more likely to listen and less likely to be defensive.  Once the groundwork is established, it is important to use “I feel” statements.  For example, “I felt hurt when you didn’t talk to me in class.  Is everything ok?”  Using “I feel” statements facilitates the listener to be less defensive than saying, “Why did you…” or “You always…”  Listening to understand the other person’s perspective is helpful and then working to offer apologies and forgiveness when appropriate helps restore the friendship.  

We dove a bit deeper into the importance of forgiveness and how it helps restore relationships but also how it is most beneficial for the one forgiving, not the recipient.  We encouraged them to pray through forgiveness on a regular basis utilizing the following outline:

1.  I forgive (name of person) for (name EVERYTHING that comes to mind that the person has done to hurt you, one by one)
2. God, I ask you to forgive them as well and to heal my heart from the hurt they have caused.
3. Please help me to see them as You do and love them as You do.
4. Thank you, God, for the good things about them (list the good things)
5. I ask you, God, to bless them in every way.

We then talked about having healthy boundaries.  We have to decide what is healthy for ourselves and limit our use of technology when it is becoming stressful or adding drama.  We also have to remember that if we are behaving in a way that is in accordance with the Bible, and someone doesn’t respond well, we can stand firm on our choices and not feel like we have to change based on their reaction.  For example, if a friend wants to gossip to you and you say, “Let’s talk about something else” hopefully the friend agrees and you move on.  However, if the gossiping friend does not respect your boundary and gets upset with you for saying that, her reaction is her responsibility.  The friend who is doing the right thing doesn’t have to be swayed to gossip just to appease the other friend.  

We finished by taking time to use our words to build each other up.  We drew names and one by one the girls stood and others showered them with words of encouragement and affirmation.  It was incredibly heartfelt and it was obvious that each girl stood a bit taller and more confident after hearing words of encouragement from their peers.  We encouraged them to make this a normal practice and to take time every day to use their words to encourage and build up those around them.  In doing this, we are following Colossians 4:6 which says to, “Always let your conversation be full of grace…” and Ephesians 4:29 which states, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Spring Break is over and we are well into the 4th quarter.  Achievement testing begins next week, spring sports have begun, and the last 6 weeks of school are going to be jam packed with activities, both academic and social!   It is a fun time of year, but the busyness can also lead to stress.  So, it is fitting that April is National Stress Awareness Month.  Stress is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree, it’s how we handle stress that makes a difference. Here are some helpful tips for your logic student to manage stress, both now and in the future.

1. 1. Recognize stress.  When we feel stress, it is often hard to relax.  We may experience headaches, body pains, stomach aches, sleep issues, or trouble concentrating.  Stress can also make other mental health conditions, like anxiety and depression, worse.  

2. 2. Promote self care.  This looks different for each individual.  For some, spending time with family and friends reduces stress and brings joy.  For others, curling up with a good book and having some quiet time is reenergizing.  The important part is to know what lowers your stress and brings you joy and then making time for that.

3. 3. Keep a daily routine.  Knowing what to expect helps maintain a sense of control and allows us to plan time for what needs to be done along with activities we enjoy.  

4. 4. Set goals.  Part of the daily routine can be making a to-do list.  Often, we feel stress because we have many upcoming obligations that are weighing on us.  However, if we write them down and then create steps to accomplish them, we often realize it is very doable and our stress is lowered.  

5. 5. Let things outside of our control go.  It’s important to recognize what we can control (our own activities, thoughts, behaviors, boundaries) vs those we can’t control (other people’s activities, thoughts, behaviors, or reactions, the news, the past, etc.) and letting go of those things we can’t control.  Carrying stress over what we can’t control is futile.  

6. 6. Make healthy choices.  Getting plenty of rest (8-10 hours for logic aged students), healthy diet, and exercise all help our body have less stress hormones circulating, thus lowering overall stress. We also honor God when we make healthy choices as our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19) 

7. 7. Limit time watching the news or utilizing social media.  Research has shown a correlation with these activities and increased stress.

8. 8. Share how you are feeling.  Sharing your feelings of stress with family, a counselor, pastor, or someone else who cares is helpful.  It is important to know we are not alone. 

9. 9. Focus on gratitude.  Often when we choose to focus on what we have to be thankful for, our stress automatically lowers.  Getting in the routine of showing gratitude every day is a great stress reliever.   

10. 10. Most importantly, spend time reading the Bible, meditating on scripture, and praying.  God promises in the Bible in Philippians that when we pray and give our worries to Him, He replaces them with His peace.  Abide is a great app that can be used to help lower stress and promote sleep from a Biblical perspective.  Taking time to be still in His presence brings peace only He can offer.  “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

I have recently been able to visit Logic Study Halls and one of the things we talked about was how our thoughts can affect our emotions and our emotions can affect our behavior.  Our behavior can then, in turn, affect our thoughts.  It’s a never-ending triangle.  For example, if I wake up in the morning and think to myself, “Man, today is going to be awful.  I don’t have any friends.  I don’t want to go to school.”  I will probably feel down, discouraged, and frustrated.  Once I arrive at school, I will likely be reserved and do the minimum to get by.  I won’t be overly friendly or seek to enjoy the day since I have already decided it’s going to be a bad day.  This may cause people to not engage with me, which feeds my belief that I don’t like school and don’t have friends.  Then I wake up the next morning and the cycle begins again.  It is not a fun triangle to be stuck in.  

The way to break the cycle is with our thoughts.  The Bible emphasizes the importance of our thoughts.  Philippians 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.”  Romans 12:2 talks about being transformed by the renewal of our minds.  Colossians 3:2 commands us to set our minds on things above.  We have to choose to set our minds on the truth.  Satan wants to feed us lies about ourselves and our worth.  We have to be able to recognize those lies and combat them with the truth.  

One way to do this is with positive affirmations.  By using them, we can affirm the truth.  Some examples are, “I am deeply loved just as I am,” “God has a purpose for me that only I can accomplish,” “I have faith in myself and my ability to reach my goals,” “God is working all things together for good,” “I am brave,” “I can do this,” “I am loved, worthy, and enough,” “I am important,” “I am irreplaceable.”  I encourage students to read through positive affirmations on a regular basis.  I personally say them with my grammar school-aged children in the car on the way to school each morning, with them repeating them outloud.  I know many students who make a list of affirmations and put it on their mirror to read while getting ready before school.  As our theme verse of Colossians 3:12 says, “We are God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved.”  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves just how amazing that is.  We are dearly loved, just as we are.